In My Line of Sight

“I have been wearing a mask for so long that it had been unremovably bonded to my soul. Now it cant be removed without leaving a deep and painful scar behind.“

May be he is not as good as he believes.
May be the kind of emotions he shows are a means to deceive himself more than others – to gain trust in the tiny little voice inside him.
May be he had lost control and the strings have now become more real and visible.

He always felt that there was someone inside him -
someone who never trusts him, his intuitions, finds out sinful intentions for his friends actions making him turn a cynic eye on them. It forced him to see everything through a pessimistic view.It taught him to trust no one, not even himself.

At times, it takes full control over him, tears him apart and eats him raw. 

“But Im sure that one day i shall destroy you and I will enjoy see you wither away.” He whispered with a smile on his ghastly face.

PS. I actually have no idea which category this writeup comes under. It not a story, Its not about me, Its just some random thoughts expressed in a crude way…
Ill come up with something worth reading in the next post..

I’m not sure if my introduction into the world of science was a blessing or a curse. It has definitely changed my outlook toward everything around me and I learned to think on my own. An academically average student became a curious observer and the thirst to know more only increased as I filled myself with what appeared to be the truth. But I had a larger prize to pay for that.

The truth I sought left a small hole in my pot labeled faith and my faith in god started to leak out leaving a dark trail behind me. Before I knew it, I had an empty pot with nothing to put my faith in. I never knew being realistic could rob you off your optimism.

Now I can never leave anything to chance for I knew that no one was there to guide me in my darkest hours or bring me luck when I needed it most. I felt betrayed and lonely in the world ruled not by love, sympathy or benevolence but by forces of attraction or repulsion and other forces that I now don’t care to remember.

I know I’m believing in the truth, but when I see others around me crying, sobbing and talking at the house of god as though to a person sitting beside you, who nods at your every word with compassion, sympathy and understanding, I feel that I’m losing something, something worth treasuring, something that makes me feel that my tears are not in vain.

The feeling of having someone beside, you no matter wherever you are and at all times, to show a shoulder for you to cry on and empty your sorrow, to give you comfort and strength.

To have an invisible yet loyal friend, lover, guide all the time.

Now I truly understand what god is…

It’s a part of yourself that comes forward at times of loneliness and sorrow to share your grief and give you a warm hug.It cannot change water to wine or cure the blind or get to rich in a fortnight or win battles for you or comes in all fury to exterminate the evil. But it does have the magical power to make you feel yourself.

The first wedding I remember attending was my Uncle’s while I was just 8-9 years old. And that event left me with a lot of questions the most confusing of which was
“Why was the bride crying after saying good-bye to her relatives? After all their house was just a short walking distance from each other.”

Though I got a rough idea after all these years, it was only today afternoon that I really got to know the exact feelings.

As usual I came to my room today after bunking the afternoon class and saw the movie The Father of the Bride on Star Movies. It was one of the famous movies that Ive kept in my watch-later list.
I had always thought it was hard for the daughters to move out from their parents after marriage, but the hardship from the part of the parent hardly gained my attention.
To be frank, after watching the movie I was terribly frightened to have a daughter – but I absolutely want to have one. But letting go… I can’t even think of it, even now.
I know I’m a bit young to be thinking about my daughter’s marriage (have got a long list to get through before that… getting out of college, finding a job, meeting someone, getting someone, getting married, having kids and then their marriage… a really long list.) but I know one day I would be there in George Banks’ (Steve Martin) shoes.
I don’t know what to say, its terrible isn’t it?
So terrible that I find myself saying OMG every time I think about it, which is weird because I happened to be an atheist.
How can anyone accept the sad truth that someone whom you have loved so much (and in reverse too) is one fine day no longer yours.
This movie says it all.
I really hate that part of life where you have to let go of those whom you love the most.