In My Line of Sight

The dream ended abruptly and i was taken back to the conscious world.
As an early riser, i often wake up a little earlier than the alarm time. So i on my bed, waiting for the alarm to ring. But nothing! i took my mobile n looked at the time.
11:55 pm
Cursing myself, i somehow got out of the bed to get some water – only to find the water jug lying empty in the fridge. More curses..
After getting water from the tap, i went back to sleep.. have got a really tough day ahead – a real nightmare in the form of university lab exams.
With my previous experiences in the former semesters.. i was sure to blow this one too..
Waking up at 5.00, and going through the record one more time, was not doing anything to my confidence.
And there is a pretty good reason to that. I am .. well..ok with my studies and pretty sure that i knew the basics to get through the exam. But luck was never on my side during these lab exams. First time in s3, it came in the form of a damaged bulb holder, next time it was some thing i havnt found out yet!
Something heavy was growing inside my heart n making it hard to breath as time got more n more closer to 9 o clock.
Another thing about me is that, since my name starts with A, i will always the first one to have to do everything first.. whether it is giving speeches during my school days, or having lab exams.. i always have to get in there without even a clue on what to expect.
None of my housemates were having any exams that morning, and so i got out alone to a near by hotel for having breakfast.
But the weighing feeling on my heart and lungs was getting worse and i found everything to slow down..n all that i could think of was the previous experiences during lab exams..
I remembered reading somewhere (in this weeks Reader’s Digest i think)that to get a nice productive mind you have to feel appreciate all good things u come across n that will make you happy and well.. release some sort of hormones that helps you think better or something..
Any way i took their advise and started appreciating every thing.. the dusty roads ( thanks to the water authority) the rotten food that i had to eat every single morning..n looking down on my shoes- my dusty pair ( forgot to brush it in my haste to get to clg).. began appreciating everything.. anything to get a cool mind.
Somehow i reached college n waited there with some of my friends.. the six unlucky ones to whom parents have done a really horrible crime.
More friends came, and with them more tough unanswered questions making the weight in my heart unbearable.. i moved away from them towards the exam room.. it was 9:30 already and the first six numbers were called in.
I entered.
and again the choosing ceremony.. we were given with 6 question papers faced down to choose from..well like always im still at the unlucky side. My number is 5 n had only 2 choices..well better than no 6 of course.
i glanced at the question.. some of the weight on me vanished..the question was easy… knowing the answer is just the first part in a lab exam.There was nothing incidental inside the lab… besides getting a damaged ammeter and having a really terrible viva.
Questions: 5
Answers : Nil
but still i was happy..
really happy..
im sure to get .. lets see.. above 60+ marks n im happy with that..
i got out with a heart so light that i feel like flying.. given some tips to those who were waiting outside i got out of the college.. i was so happy i wanted to give a treat to someone.. but fortunately i met no one i know..No unfortunately! i needed to share this happy moment with someone..
n i decided that it would be you guys..
well i dont have exams for another.. 4 days.. i have another one on Tuesday, but its not a problem..got another 3 days to start worrying…

Kabhi alvida na kehna.
What comes to your mind when you hear these words? Shah Rukh Khan and Rani walking through the snow, or something else from the movie..
But for me its none of them.. its my first year in my college. When i first entered CET, i joined a private hostel near the college. But due to some ragging problems, a couple of my friends and i had moved out to a rented house in Keshavadasapuram. It was a newly built house and the owners had never lived there.So there was nothing in the house – not even basic furniture.. n we had to bring them all. But in the haste to move out of the hostel, we came even without setting everything ready. I remember the first day there.. One of my house mates, lets call him J.. he had brought an old tape recorder along with him, but had only brought one cassette with him- the sound track from Kabhi alvida na kehna. So we spent the first night in our new house lying on the floor listening to the beautiful songs from the movie. My other friend, H joined the other day ( The three of us had studied in the same school for 12 years and now had joined the same clg.. ) Even after staying there for several months no one bothered to bring another cassette, and all we heard was same songs from this film- and the amazing thing was we never got tired of it.
It was not only us that this song had an influence on.. but our neighbours as well.It was a family with three girls.. one of our age, one younger and the other elder. May be it was because we were playing it really loud, but any how, these girls – actually one of these girls caught this song and was singing it almost everytime. We could hear her song when we went out for college in the morning and when we came back in the evening. She had a really beautiful voice, but couldnt find out who was actually singing it for a long time n never bothered to ask .But we eventually found out! During the second year, we moved out of this wonderful house to a closer place to our college. But after that when ever i hear any song from this movie or see it on TV, it always bring back memories of this house.. our small chats at night, playing cards, trying to study for exams… everytime this song playing in the background.
I dont know why but always make me feel sad..its like losing a friend.. u know the desperate feeling when you have to say goodbye to a friend.. like i had to do after my 12th standard.
Your heart and lungs suddenly feels tight and rough and less flexible… making you gasp for more air. I dont know whether it was the song or the house or the company of my friends that makes me feel lost when i think about it now. Never had such a house or place influenced much like that.
It just became a remainder of our life there.. represented the good and the bad time we had.
Like its meaning.. never say goodbye… We can never say good bye to those wonderful memories.

(If you are not an Indian, and does know this movie or songs, listen to one of the songs from this movie..i assure you its definitely worth it)

Something that the news anchor said turned my attention from the book i was reading to the TV screen. It was a report on Al Qaeda on Headlines today, a prominent English News Channel in India.
The report was about Al Qaeda’s new method of recruiting young women as suicide bombers. It unfolded the horrific truth about the terrorist group. They recruited young women into their group by brutally raping them and making them totally outcast in the highly conservative Islamic society. They were taken away from their family and raped several times by the chiefs and were left with the option of giving up their life for the “noble” cause or being an outcast. They even employ councilors for recruiting these broken hearts. These young women at the tender age of 16-19 years are left with no choice but to obey them.
I cannot express in words how horrified and terrible I felt after watching this report. How can people be so cruel and inhuman? I cant imagine how they turned out to be like this. I mean… they too were once innocent children who had played and enjoyed with others like everyone else.
I wonder how they would feel if someone showed them and made them aware how innocent and angelic they were once when they were kids..
I have always thought about a possible means to end this horrific act of terrorism, but right after watching this report the first thing that came to my mind is the most cruellest thing that i have even thought about… Frankly, if I had got any of those beasts right then, I would just want to inflict as much pain to them as possible. I know im being cruel.. but what other punishment can you give them. Getting a head shot from an M16 rifle is the most gentle punishment they will ever get…
Another thing i need to know is what is it that makes this god so busy to not to see all this…
So how can it be ended once ‘n for all?
By killing them all? No.. I dont think so..Wiping out people doesnt kill the idea that they are forced to believe in.. So how can this idea be wiped away… By education, making them think on their own? Again another contradiction- Most of this terrorist leaders and followers are educated men.. mostly engineers.
Then what is the magic cure for this devastating plague?
Can we just accept the American method?
But these images tell otherwise…

I dont.. I dont really know..All I know is I dont want to live with these beasts – who prey upon my fellow beings…